


"Why Doesn't The World Believe In Me Anymore?"

by until_your_breathing_stops_forever



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Heroin, Priests, Sad, Sad Luke, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-14 16:27:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14139930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/until_your_breathing_stops_forever/pseuds/until_your_breathing_stops_forever
Summary: Luke had been through a lot and he isn't quite sure how he ends up talking to a priest at half nine on a Tuesday night about his drug addiction but somehow he is here and maybe it's the best thing he has ever done.





	"Why Doesn't The World Believe In Me Anymore?"

**Author's Note:**

> Stay safe as this could be triggering to some, and this is obviously not real life and I am glad it isn't. It just a thing I wrote like a year ago and I keep finding my old 5SOS fanfics so have fun

Luke didn't know how he got to the back of this dusty church, staring intently at the stained glass windows. He didn't know how long he had been there or long he would be there, he didn't know much these days. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and got a grasp of his surroundings as he realised he was the only one here. It was to be expected, it was half nine on a Tuesday night but it made him feel more alone. 

The kind priest walked up to him, Luke remembers that he did his baptism as a child and did Jack and Celeste's wedding and he is amazed that he could remember. "Hello son, are you okay?" Luke met the priest's questioning eyes and sighed. "I really don't know any more, I thought I was but now..." his sentence dragged off and he felt stupid. "Do you have anything you want to talk about? I think it would be good for you." The man smiled and sat in the pew in front of Luke. 

"Uh well I don't know where to begin, so I might just end up spilling everything if you care enough to listen." Luke mumbled and fidgeted with his cold hands. "Go ahead, I am always willing to listen." "Even if you don't agree with it?" He nodded and Luke prepared himself to say what he had never said before. "It started when I was in high school. I was a bright eyed kid, desperate to make everyone proud and I met some people, Calum and Michael. They were my best friends through thick and thin. At this point I had a lot of pressure on me and I just felt so sad and empty all the time, I wasn't Luke anymore, I was a ghost. I self harmed a lot, covering my body with cuts and bruises to feel something in this horrible world."

Luke paused and took another breath, wishing it was cigarette smoke instead of oxygen. "I hit junior year, still with Calum and Michael when we discovered parties. They were filled with escape, sex, alcohol, drugs, you name it and it was there. The other two just saw it as a fun weekend past time like let's get high and have a real high school experience whereas I became addicted to these places. They stopped the demons inside and gave me happiness. It was at first a few beers and a few stolen cigarettes, then it was a couple of hits on a joint however, as I became more involved, it became vodka and lines of cocaine in some dirty bathroom, praying that my best friends couldn't see what I had become." Luke bit his lip and looked into the man's worried eyes. 

"My grades dropped, I stopped doing after school activities and my parents hated me for it. I was called useless, a waste and I could see the disappointment in their eyes, I mean who wants their child with such promise to give up and use narcotics instead? My brothers would take care of me when I came in at three in the morning, high and drunk with hickeys all over my neck, barely able to stand. They resented me for it, I could see them crying as they had to watch their little brother destroy himself to avoid pain and sadness. I couldn't go to school sober, I was a burnout, many teachers told me their disappointment as I was another sad case of teenage rebellion to them. I simply laughed at everyone, I didn't think I was hurting myself, only making the pain go away."

Luke cracked a knuckle, showing the pale bruised knuckle off as the priest let out a light gasp. "I can go if you want, I've troubled you enough tonight." Luke panicked and began to get up." "Luke son it's okay. Sit back down, it's just a lot to take in." He warmly smiled at the broken boy, something he hadn't seen in years. "It got worse. Calum and Michael found out everything and they went mental. I remember the tears and shouting as they realised what a mess I had become. I remember Calum shouting 'Luke you're hurting everyone including yourself, it's almost like you never cared about us in the first place. You're destroying yourself and seeing it as a game. You'll end up dead.' It really stung. Because it was a game, a weird twisted game of 'let's see how messed up I can get before people start really caring.' I lost a lot of weight and became almost lifeless. My mother would sit crying for hours, howling that she didn't raise me like this and I was taking life for granted. I suppose I still am."

A tear fell from his eye, the first in years since he started numbing himself. "I really remember the day that my world fell apart. Calum and Michael didn't talk to me at school and instead were chatting with some giggly boy named Ashton. He was my happy replacement. I walked out and went to a terrible friend, who supplied me with everything. He told me he thinks I was ready for a new drug. It was heroin. My day had been so bad that I just agreed and let him fill my veins with happy poison. I was hooked. My arms were permanently black and my shirt ripped at one of the few nights I was home and I have never seen Jack cry so much. He just broke down and smashed a plate as Ben sat in the corner wondering what the hell I was doing. He screamed at me 'Your life isn't a joke Luke, I thought it was just weed and booze but no it's actually heroin?' And I sat on the floor and sobbed with them, this right now is the first time I have cried since then." 

More tears fell as Luke touched his abused arms and winced at the fresh hole and bruise. "Luke are you still taking heroin?" The priest finally spoke up. "Yeah... I am seventeen and addicted to heroin. My life has fallen apart in a year and I don't know how to fix it. I mean, why doesn't the world believe in me anymore? They all did when I was bright and fifteen years old, but now that I have a few problems it seems that no one wants to care for me any more. It's horrible knowing that people who once loved you see you as a burnout, a lost cause." He was full on crying now, and for the first time let the priest give his shoulder a comforting rub. "I see. You have two options really, either give up and shoot up until you die or accept you need to change and get better no one can make that decision for you Luke. It's up to you. I can offer guidance but really its more important that you want to get better." Luke nodded. "Thank you Father, I think talking to you was the best decision of my entire pathetic life. I want to make things better." The priest smiled. "That's the best thing I've heard all year Luke. I want to see you improve. I am glad you spoke to me tonight." Luke smiled a real grin for the first time in years and thanked the priest again before exiting into the cold dark night. He breathed in the fresh air and cheered as he was on the path to redemption. It was going to be difficult but he thinks that he could do it.

He first walked to Michael's house and saw Calum's car outside, making him smile again. He suddenly felt anxious as he knocked on the door of the boy who he had grown up with, who had see Luke's downfall. "Luke?" Michael exclaimed in shock. "Um hey Michael." Luke didn't know what to say, it was like his confidence vanished. "Come in."

He walked in and saw Calum and that bloody Ashton laughing until they met Luke's sunken eyes. "What the fuck." Calum let out before Ashton's confused face. "What are you doing here, shouldn't you be out filling your veins with poison." He snapped at Luke, clearly hurt and Luke felt awful. Maybe this was a bad idea. "No actually. I uh came to talk to you guys. I have something to admit. I have had a weird night but I feel that I need to do this." Michael, Calum and Ashton all listened intently. Luke took a deep breath and met the others in a gaze. "I want to get clean. I need to." Michael and Calum started crying and Ashton began grinning at him. "That's great Luke." He spoke up, the first words ever spoken to the boy and it was enough to make Luke start crying and all. He retold the story that he had spoken just twenty minutes earlier to the priest and everyone was crying at this point, out of sadness yet hope. "You guys can choose to be with me or leave me alone. I understand I have been the world's shittest friend and you probably shouldn't take me back but I really miss you guys. Those junkies were awful." Luke smiled at the boys as they looked at each other. "You have no idea how long I have waited for you to say that Luke." Michael sobbed and grabbed him into a hug, letting the others join in too. "Guys I love you so much I am so sorry." Luke weeped and grasped them back. They stayed like that for a while, even Ashton and eventually Luke had to let go. "I will be back tomorrow, I have to talk to more people I hurt. But you have no idea how much this means to me." Everyone agreed and as Luke walked out of the door be heard happy whispers from everyone and he felt truly loved.

He now had to walk up to his family home, to see the people he destroyed the most. He opened the door and he could hear silence fall over the house, everyone being scared that Luke would kick off again and disappear. His heart sank as he looked at his family's sad eyes, gathered in the kitchen without him. "Uh hi guys." He mumbled and took a seat beside Jack who held in a breath as he did so. "I need to talk to you all." Luke was met with interested gazes and his mother abandoned her place at the fridge. "Um I have already told this twice tonight so it should be easier but it won't be because I hurt you guys the most. I have had a strange night but I'm here to tell you that I want and need to get clean. No more drugs or destroying myself." His family began to cry as well, out of hope and happiness. "Oh my god Luke." Jack mumbled and hugged his brother for the first time in two years. Luke again retold his story, the one he told the priest, Michael, Calum and Ashton and his family listened the whole way through. Silence fell towards the end. "I guess we really need to thank Father Jennings for tonight's miracle. I have never been so proud of you Luke." Andrew smiled at the young boy and he grinned back. "I am so fucking sorry for everything I put you through. You were too good to me." Luke sobbed and Jack held him close. "Luke I will need to clean your arms though." His mum spoke up in a sad tone. "I know, and it's gonna be painful but maybe it'll give me an idea of what you have all been through the past year." 

Liz grabbed the rubbing alcohol and cotton pads and revealed Luke's bruised arms to everyone, a loud gasp echoing across the room. "Hey ma? It's gonna be okay, it may not be easy but we can do it." Luke spoke before hissing in pain as he had never cleaned his spike marks before. His family beamed in pride as Liz finished and hugged Luke closely as if she never wanted to let go. "I'm gonna go to the doctors and get tested for shit, and then talk about the addiction with them okay?" Luke felt in control for once. "Mum mind my language although you've let Luke away with swearing, but baby brother I am so fucking proud of you. I knew you could do it. You just needed a way out." Ben grinned and Luke smiled back. Jack made a quick phone call to Celeste who arrived within a matter of minutes and immediately hugged Luke. "You!" She screamed at Jack. "I thought Luke was dead by the tone of that phone call!" Luke laughed at his idiot of a brother. "Not quite, I won't be dying for some time. I want to get clean." Celeste began crying too as she remembered the sweet little boy she met, to the broken drug addict to this brave young man standing in front of her. Luke smiled and knew things could be okay now. Yeah it was going to be fucking awful but it would end up okay in the end and that mattered to him the most. He really needed to thank that priest for tonight. He really did.


End file.
